My Amazing Mother

MY AMAZING MOTHER
When my mother married Dad, she said she didn’t know how to do anything. She couldn’t cook, shop, sew, clean house, garden, drive or anything else it seems. She was just cute and fun I guess. Grandma Ware was probably just happy that one of her eight children lived and simply had fun with Mother. Mother always said that she was too ornery to die.
Throughout my life, I watched her tackle and master many new things. She was such an example of someone who was always interested, interesting and she never stopped learning.
Mother was also very understanding and compassionate and I’ve included some of her rescues in this short piece about her. It is Mother’s Day Sunday and I’m missing her. These stories came to my mind while I was thinking about her this week.

TAKING CARE OF ME SO I WOULDN’T DIE
Mother took classes during WWII for emergency preparedness which probably helped her with me.
This is the story Mother told to me. I was born in 1944. As an infant I was sick a lot and in the hospital, plus I threw up the formula that was popular at the time. I wasn’t gaining weight. Mother studied out the kinds of milk or formula that might be better suited. After trying many different ideas from various sources, she settled on goat’s milk. Apparently that worked. When I began eating real foods she then had another problem. I didn’t eat because I was sick so much, and some of the foods made me throw up. I was gaunt and it worried her. Mother tried so many foods and ways of fixing them so I would have the nutrition I needed and gain a little weight. When I was 8 years old I began having fewer problems with asthma and bronchitis, then I gained too much weight. Mother wasn’t happy about the weight gain, but very happy that I wasn’t getting as sick as often.
When we moved to El Cajon, I still had trouble with some stomach problem that made me throw up. Mother decided it was acidosis and give me tomatoes or warmed blackberry brandy. I HATED THE ALLERGY SHOTS
Perhaps I had fewer problems with asthma because I was taking allergy shots each week. Mother and I would take the bus from El Cajon to downtown San Diego. I was worried the whole bus ride. I’d get the dreaded shot then we would go shopping at Kress Five and Dime, or to the movies. We nearly always went to the Plaza and got a chili and sauerkraut hotdog. I hated the shots and would have acted out, but Mother would have none of that. She never threatened or cajoled, I just had to be perform well because that was what was expected. She said that I had to have the shot each week. It wouldn’t do me any good or make it better if I acted out. It wasn’t part of Mother’s rules or plan to with hold any fun thing to obtain compliance. It was enough that she might get mad.

Mother never allowed me to use my illness to get attention. She told me that I was responsible for myself, which I knew anyway because of being in the hospital by myself. She taught me how to stop an asthma attack. Sometimes it worked and sometimes it didn’t. About 50%. It was a good feeling when I could stop one in it’s tracks by myself, then I‘d go back outside to play. If it didn’t work I’d have to tell the folks and they took me to the hospital. But no sympathy, no special attention and certainly no comforting. In fact she would more likely get mad at me. I didn’t feel like she was really mad at me, but irritated that I was having trouble. Notifying Mother I was in the throes of an asthma attack I couldn’t control wasn’t fun, but I understood it was necessary.
Nowadays they say that children do things to get any attention, even if it is negative. It doesn’t feel that I had asthma attacks to attract attention to myself. Knowing when to ask for help was part of what Mother had taught me. It was my job to monitor my own illness.
Mother told me that Dad keep an eye on all of the medications that were given to me and kept a record in a notebook. I have a page of the book listing some oral meds and also the radiation treatments given to me.

BESIDES TAKING CARE OF ME WITH THE ASTHMA
When I was a child, I had very bad leg aches at night. Mother would hear me crying and would come in and rub my legs with a warming cream until the pain would subside. I really appreciated that. When Parker was nearly 2 years old, he began having leg aches and I knew what to do because my Mother was my example.


MARTY
Marty had hemophilia. Mother and Marty didn’t have the same type blood but Mother had type O, the universal donor. She was always on call in case Marty had an emergency and needed blood quickly. She was called several times. I was very proud of her for always being prepared to help Marty.
In this photo, Marty has a patch over his eye because he was hemorrhaging. We took advantage of the patch and play cowboy/pirates.

PRESSURE COOKER ACCIDENT
Mother was called one day by the lady across the street. She told me to stay where I was as she ran over there. The lady was using a pressure cooker and it blew up in her face. I don’t know if she didn’t follow directions for the cooker or if it was defective in some way. Anyway, Mother ran across the street and assisted the woman until the ambulance got there. I just thought Mother could take care of anything.

This isn't a very good photo of this event, but I couldn't find a photo of a pressure cooker going bad.

THE BIRTH OF THE BABY
Mother’s friend Gay was pregnant. She lived across the street also. Gay called Mother in the throes of delivering the baby. Mother ran over there and delivered the baby, who was eventually named BeaGay. In those days if the mother delivered the baby away from the hospital, the mother wasn’t allowed to go to the hospital with the baby for the well check. Mother rode in the ambulance, carrying the baby to the hospital to have her examined. Again, Mother to the rescue. I was so impressed. She was such an example to me.

MY DUCK WAS DROWNING
I had the six geese, two pekin ducks and fifteen mallard ducks. My mallard ducks were able to have babies in our back yard pen. When I came home from school, one of the babies had drowned in the drinking basin. I was so upset. I was crying for Mother to come out and see. She took the baby duck, placed it in her palm, then she performed CPR by pushing on the ducks back while directing me to lift it’s wings at a certain time. After a few of these procedures the duck coughed up water and stood up. She saved my duck! I laughed and cried at the same time.

WHAT I LEARNED
Watching Mother take care of those around her and me, even in some pretty serious situations, taught me to care for others in whatever capacity was required. I'm glad I haven't had to deliver a baby.

I HAD THE BEST BIRTHDAYS EVER!
One of my cousins said I had the best birthdays because we went to the beach. I assume that I was asked what I wanted to do for my birthday, and I always wanted to go to the beach. Mission Beach was my beach. The whole family was invited and I could invite a friend or two. Maureen and Marty often came to the beach with us.
Mother would cook and pack for hours, as though we were going on an African Safari, with loads of her great cooking and many changes of clothes. The folks planned on staying for hours. We’d get there about 2PM, Dad would put up the wind breaks surrounding a fire ring.
We’d swim, eat, play, swim, eat, play and so on. In the evening we sat around the fire ring and sang songs. I could still feel the motion of the waves on my body while driving home, usually around 9PM. It couldn’t have been better. I felt very lucky.

ORIENTAL STENCILING
Mother learned how to make and paint beautiful oriental pictures. She would find a photo she liked and make the stencil for it and then paint it. The paintings were really professional looking. They were about 18 inches by 24 inches when framed. I don’t know where all of her beautiful paintings are now. The photo I’ve included is very much like what she painted.

This is a good representation of Mother's work.



WHEN MOTHER WENT TO WORK AT A GERIATRIC HOSPITAL
Mother earned money by making western shirts for square dancers. Square dancing was very popular in El Cajon. There was the Bostonia Ballroom where Smokey Rogers had a band. Elvis was there and Willie Nelson and Johnny Cash. People went there to square dance. Mother’s shirts were very intricate with cutouts, sequins and fancy braids. I thought they were pretty amazing.

I couldn't find a photo of a western shirt as beautiful as Mother made, so I got this photo of Willie Nelson and others, which was taken at Bostonia Ballroom. Bonnie Jan Whittle was at Bostonia Ballroom during the time I went there for square dancing. She saw Johnny Cash there.

Mother worked for Town & Country Hotels making tailored drapes, and worked in Dad’s shops. She thought if someone was at the shop to take in repair work, Dad’s earnings might improve. He could go in at his leisure and fix the radios and TVs that Mother had taken in. I don’t think this worked. He didn’t go into the shop very often.

I think that Mother did ironing for people with a big ironing machine, an Ironrite I think.

But finally she decided to apply for a San Diego County job and took the San Diego County civil service test. She qualified for several positions. She finally took a kitchen worker job available at Edgemoor Geriatric Hospital in Santee. Edgemoor Geriatric Hospital was where Mother put Grandma Ware when Mother couldn‘t take care of her at our home. I’m sure she took that particular job so she could be close to Grandma. When she began working there she didn’t know how to drive. Dad would drive her there and home. Sometimes he forgot to pick her up and she would walk home, about 11 miles. I think being left like that is what motivated her to learn to drive.

Mother was in her 40s when Dad got her a big green Buick.

Oh, she loved that car. She felt so liberated by learning to drive. She couldn’t count on being picked up, so she learned how to drive to take care of herself. I took this as an example. Let people be how they want to be. Take charge of yourself. That was pretty smart of Mother I think. She took charge of herself and, despite her afflictions, she went totally out of her comfort zone and provided for the family.

MOTHER’S WORK ETHIC
Mother always taught Jody and I to do our best at whatever job we had. I know she wasn’t that satisfied with our work when we were young, but she always accepted our efforts, except when we just didn’t do it. That wasn’t fun.

A supervisor quit at Edgemore Geriatric Hospital in Santee, and Mother was asked to fill that position until the county gave another examination. She would be entitled to take test and apply for the situation, which meant more money. We thought she would be a shew in because Mother had been doing the job well for so long without the benefit of the extra pay. When the test was given, Mother came out at the top, she applied but wasn’t hired for the position she had filled for nearly 1 year. The job was given to another woman. She had no experience, and didn’t get a good score on the test. Her only qualification for the job was that she was Hispanic. Those were the days of equal opportunity and quotas for minorities in the workplace. We were pretty upset about Mother’s loss of this position she had been performing well for so long.

Mother was a great worker. She was dependable and efficient. She was friendly with her workmates and became close friends with several of them. Throughout her time at Edgemoor, Mother received many commendations for her work.
Jody and I were very fortunate to have this great example for the work ethic.

MOTHER LEARNED TO COOK
As I mentioned before, Mother didn’t know how to cook or shop when she married Dad. Setting about to learn, she bought a fancy French cookbook and tried so many recipes out on us. I thought Mother was a good cook. I loved her oxtail stew, and baked beans with cornbread. She made the best desserts.
Both of my parents were from Missouri. So we had a lot of basic good food. Mother also had a Swedish background and Dad had German/Swiss. Being from these rather eclectic environments, they were both pretty adventuresome. Mother tried some exotic and remarkably unappealing recipes. I most vividly recall her trying out octopus, nutria and homemade souse on us. These were pretty yucky, but I always admired her enterprising nature in exploring uncommon recipes and various types of foods. I learned from her and Dad that it was fun to try diverse foods from all over the world. It didn’t mean you had to love everything.

SHE CAME TO VERNAL WHEN I HAD PARKER
Mother came to help me when I had Parker. I think I may have had that post-partum depression you hear about now. I didn’t get dressed and didn’t eat. I took care of Parker, but that was all I could do. I was very happy I had Parker, but the rest of my life was a shambles and I was depressed. Mother wore herself out helping me when I wasn’t able to do anything. She just knew what to do.
So when I had Parker, we moved into a house in Jensen about 13 miles outside of Vernal. It was a new house, never lived in. No wonder, the house was on a bird reserve! It was June, hot and humid. We couldn’t open the windows because the bugs would come through the screen and swarm around Parker. The water supply was from a moldy cistern, so we had to boil the water. The dirt road to the main street was so rutted that Parker always threw up before we made it to the end. I couldn’t imagine what it would be like in 3 feet of snow driving a VW Bug.
Mother cleaned up the Jensen house, unpacked my things, cooked and did the wash. When President Wallis, Mr. Parks’ boss, found out where I was living, he found me a home to rent in Vernal, one block from downtown. He called me and told me he wanted me to move. So Mother moved me to Vernal, unpacked me, cleaned the Vernal house, cooked and did the wash. I think she lost weight during this “vacation”. She had to go back to work to rest up.
I was so lucky she was there. What would I have done?

CLOTHES FOR ME WHEN I NEEDED THEM

Mother sewed for me throughout my life. I appreciated it. I was the best dressed girl in school. Mother studied the European fashions and made over American patterns to reflect her ideas of style. I loved what she made for me. Later in my life there were times when I had no money and no prospects. She would bring me some very nice stylish outfit she had made for me. It really perked me up. I so love clothes, they are sort of like chocolate for me. And of course, chocolate is like chocolate too.

This photo is my favorite dress Mother made for me when I was eight years old.

CHURCH
When I was in my late 20s early 30s Mother would talk to me about wanting to go to church and I really encouraged her to do so. She became active and was very happy with that. Several years later I encouraged her to attend the temple and take out her endowments. She did that and was very happy. No doubt it made her mother happy also. Grandma Ware loved the church and felt it was a way for her to have all of her children. She was a good member of the church always.
As capable as my mother was at everything, I was surprised that she wouldn’t serve in callings that required her to give talks or be up in front of people, even to teach. She was so smart and I always thought she would have been able to serve in many positions. I wonder now if she had anxieties about being in front of people. She told me she could never teach.

The callings she did accept were secretary of the ward Primary and Visiting Teaching supervisor where she would call for reports. She sent cards to lots of people involved in her callings. She always took her callings seriously and was faithful in fulfilling them to the best of here abilities.
She took classes on genealogy and spent many hours ordering and looking at film from the SLC FHL for our ancestors. She wrote to different state organizations regarding her ancestors and sometimes she got something.

Whatever calling she had, Mother was skillful and efficient. She always went the second mile for her stewardship.


MOTHER HAD IDEAS ABOUT PROPER ETIQUETTE.
Mother had rules.
1. When you go to someone’s home, bring something or help out for whatever the event.
2. If you can’t talk without swearing, don’t say anything.
3. Use the proper words for everything, like vagina. No slang words.
4. Watch the slang you use for it’s original meanings. Don’t use vulgar words.
5. Let the older or disabled person go through the door before you. I’m 65 now and I can tell you this does not happen anymore.
6. Let the older or disabled person have your seat on the bus, if there are no other seats. Many times on the bus, I gave up my seat to an older person or pregnant woman.
7. Use the proper dining etiquette at home so it will become a habit and you won’t embarrass yourself in public. Still, when I went to eat at a friends house, I was always looking at how they ate and tried to copy them.
8. Don’t throw your coat/books/toys down in the front room when you get home. Put them away. It takes more energy to throw them down, then pick them up later and take them to their proper place, than it takes to put them away to begin with. This made so much sense to me.
9. Treat other people’s property with respect.
10. Mother felt it was very important to be polite and courteous to everyone. You can say what you want, it was her “rule”. Mother might have felt this rule could be trumped by another rule or a particular situation sometimes.
11. When people picked on me Mother would say, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me.” This was an old saying that is really dumb. Of course names hurt people and besides, some of these bullies used bricks too. Then Mother would threaten to beat me if I didn’t stand up for myself. So I just didn’t tell her when someone was after me.
12. Never wish for something bad to happen to anyone. Or if you did, never say the bad wish out loud or it would happen to you. I think this last part was a Swedish superstition.

I would say that over all, Mother was about self-control. I think that her philosophy was that if we can control our actions, re-actions, emotions, behavior, language and so on, we can do anything.

MOTHER WAS GOING TO LIVE AS LONG AS I DID
Mother always told me she wasn’t going to die before me because she thought I needed her to remind me of birthdays and commitments and so on. It has been a real struggle to try to keep up on everything since she did die and here I am still alive. A struggle with which I fall short frequently.

You might think it would be irritating to have someone always be calling and reminding you of upcoming events, several whiles before the event, asking what we were going to do. I guess I was mildly annoyed sometimes. But to be honest, I miss her reminding. It was a way of being involved with her too. She would call me way ahead of a holiday or event and ask me what we were going to do, or what I was going to do, or what we were going to have for the holiday dinner or what have you. I wasn’t even thinking of the planning of the event yet. But there she was, inviting me to participate with her. I would say; “What do you think?; this because I wasn’t ready to begin yet. Then we would visit about what could happen.

I learned my love of parties and holidays from Mother. She loved the preparation and anticipation. Me too! I mentally begin my holidays in October and celebrate all the way through January, into February when it is our anniversary.

I remember my first Christmas away from home, with me actually having money because I was working. And I was living where I could shop in “The City”. I went to San Francisco on the bus because I didn’t drive yet. I’d go to all the big name stores I had just heard about, such as The Paris, Macy’s and I Magnum. I’d look and relook, inspecting all of the offerings, finally buying something for each of my family. I was so excited to be able to shop and pick for my loved ones. I still get so excited. I doubt if my choices were perfect, but they were bought with much love and consideration. I made gifts too, pomander balls so fragrant.

I got a funny ceramic statue for Mother for Mother’s Day one year. I was so proud of what I got. It really was pretty funny and odd, but I got it at an import place so I thought it was very wonderful. Mother kept it. I have it now. It reminds me of her and how gracious she was about everything anyone gave her.

WHEN I HAD A MISCARRIAGE
I became pregnant when we lived in AZ and I was 40 year old. Merlin and I were happy about my pregnancy but I was sick all the time. I was never that sick with my other pregnancies. One morning I woke up with some bleeding. I called my doctor and he told me to stay in bed, rest and perhaps it would stop. I was only three or four months alone.

Mother called me that morning and I told her what was happening. She said she would be right over. I didn’t think that was necessary, but little did I know. When she got there she put a chair in the bedroom and was reading while I slept. Then I went into the bathroom and bled all over the place. Mother came in, cleaned me up, wrapped up the fetus, called Merlin and took me to the emergency room. She just knew what to do.

WHEN THE ANEURYSM BROKE IN MY HEAD
In 1988 an aneurysm broke in my head. I wasn’t able to eat anything. Mother brought me fresh fruit that I could eat anytime, when I felt like it. She told me later that she had known that there was something wrong with my head for about three months. She said that she was always trying to figure out what it was. I had to laugh really. I appreciate her insight, but it does sound a little funny too, that she knew something was wrong with my head. I’ve often thought that myself.

MOTHER WAS A HELP TO HER FRIEND.
While living in AZ, one of Mother’s friends was having some chest pains and called Mother over. Mother kept her calm and alive until the ambulance got there.

MOTHER ALWAYS HAD COMPASSION FOR THOSE IN TROUBLE
Mother was always helpful and inclusive to people who were perhaps different, or going through a difficult time. One of her friends had some very complicated troubles that put her out of sync with her friends and family. Mother was always her friend and gave her wonderful support. Eventually this friend moved away, got her life together and went on. But she frequently wrote to Mother of her appreciation for what Mother did for her.

MOTHER AND I WERE FRIENDS
We talked, cooked, canned, sewed and laughed together. We didn’t always agree with one another, but we could always talk to each other. She might like purple and I might like blue, but it didn’t keep us from being friends. She taught me that you can be friends even with people you don’t always agree with. This was a great lesson for me. I think that my love for people, especially those who are different from me or don’t think like I do, comes from her teachings.

My Car Keys

We moved into our condo about six and a half years ago. The condos were not totally occupied when we moved in.  One of the residents was parking their car in my parking space.  Given that few of the condos were taken at that time, there were many available parking spaces in the garage.  But I'm a person who trys to follow the rules, so I put a note on her car saying that I was now moved in and would like to use my parking space.  After that cute move on my part, we became very good friends.  I'm a very lucky person.

I was working for a dentist located in the Sears building at Fashion Place Mall.  It's only 5 minutes away, but I'm always in a rush. Just before leaving for work I'm reading my emails or updating my facebook pictures, or something equally as essential.

However, I want to get to the office with enough time to set up before seeing my first patients.  I might be seeing these guys!

One morning I walked out of the door in a rush, and was on my way to the elevator when I realized I didn't have my car keys.  I panicked, called my friend down the hall and told her my problem. She said I could borrow her car to get to work.  I was so embarrassed. This would leave her without a car for the whole day.  But I felt as though there was no other alternative because Merlin was out of town.  So I took her up on the offer, knowing I would want to pay her back big time for this help.

I went to get the keys from her and thanked her profusely.  I got in her Toyota Camry and got on my way, not too late.

When I was nearly half way to work I called Merlin and told him I had left the car keys in the condo, so I had to borrow our neighbor's car to get to work.
He said: "How did you lock the door to the condo!" 

Now for the rest of the story.  Gaining a modicum of control, after laughing my head off,  I made a U-turn and went back home.  I walked right into my condo easily, since the door was unlocked, and there were my keys on the counter.

When I took my neighbor's keys back to her, she said; "I wondered how you locked your condo door!"  After laughing and laughing again, I headed to work in my own car, and wonders of wonders, I got there on time.   AW

Biker Grandma

We are preparing to visit our son in Seattle and ride on his 35 foot sailboat. We are very excited. We have bought waterproof jackets and pants which will make us look like Gorton’s fisherman only in green.

Then we needed hats. Merlin already has one. I was looking at hats in the outlet mall in Castle Rock CO this weekend. In the Levi store I found a nice black hat which fit me very well and went with my clothes. Merlin showed me the lining which was skull and crossbones. “Oh, that’s ok“, I said. “No one will see the lining“. I tried it on and here was a big skull and crossbones on the outside of the hat!

But it fit me so well. However if I bought that hat, I’d have to get a leather bike jacket, then the leather chaps

and the boots of course.

I always wanted to drive a motorcycle. When I was 60 I looked all over our city for motorcycle driving lessons and couldn’t find any group or store giving lessons. So I thought I’d ask my sons to give me lessons for my birthday or Mother’s Day or any day, figuring they were smart and would be able to find lessons for me.

But no such luck. My desire fell on deaf ears. I never got lessons. I asked my oldest son why he never got me biker lessons. He said that he prefers me riding about town in a big metal car, with as much protection as possible. Hmmm. All I wanted to do was to take lessons, not become a biker grandma.

But one never knows. . . .

Kyle's Homecoming

We went to Denver, Elizabeth to be exact, for Kyle’s homecoming talk. He is just back from the Columbus Ohio Mission. We nearly couldn’t find the chapel. We lost the Google map I printed out, so Merlin was trying to remember the way. Finally after calling and texting Lori, we found the Google map.


As we walked into the chapel we were met by Kyle and were given a big hug. How wonderful he looked, so grown up, so full of the Spirit. We were overjoyed at seeing him. As the meeting was nearly ready to begin, we quickly sat behind Lori and her mother and sisters and the girls, Taylor and McKenzie. I greeted Lori’s mother whose husband just recently passed away and told her how sorry for her loss I was. Then I waved hello to the sisters and grand daughters.

There were two friends of Cory’s sitting next to us who were very nice. The talks previous to Kyle’s were very good. Then Lori sang one of my all time favorites, I Know That My Redeemer Lives. It was so inspirational.

Then Kyle gave his talk. He had notes but rarely looked at them. He said that he was a changed person, that he may look the same, but he is totally changed. He then gave some experiences from his mission that had the effect of making the big change in his heart and his feelings about the church. He seemed a changed man to us. It was as though he was born again. It seemed a pentecostal meeting with the Holy Ghost present and perhaps even angels in attendance. It reminded me of the stories of the pentecostal times at the Kirtland Temple.

It was a wonderful time and the best meeting ever. I’m so sorry that so many of the grand children weren’t able to be there to see and hear the talk, and feel the Spirit. But as Kyle is a changed man, they will be able to feel it when they see or talk to him now.

Afterward, Lori's sister took a picture of us.  It's me, then Taylor, then McKenzie, then Kyle, then Merlin. Taylor and McKenzie are so beautiful.  Merlin and Kyle look so happy.  I look like a grumpy little old lady.  But I was very happy even if a little worn out.

Family History

Merlin and I had so much fun last night. Tina and I finished teaching our SS class in FH last week. Tina taught, thankfully as we were out of town. Anyway, the class planned a field trip to our Stake Family History Center. I went down there several times, reserving the room with the big HD TV and individual computers, trying all of the portals and printing off my handouts. Merlin was rested up f from his drive, so he was able to go too. I always do much better with him around.
Our time was very well spent. My handouts were good. I was able to work with one person for nearly one hour that night and she came over this morning to do some more on her nFS. Her nFS is really jumbled up and she is the oldest one of her family living, so it's important she clear up some of these errors for her family in nFS. We accomplished 4 things for her this morning and there is more to go.

It's really fun to help people solve their family history mysteries in this way. It makes me so tired, wears my brain out but is the most fun ever!  I love FH.

Volunteering at the Church Cannery

VOLUNTEERING AT THE CHURCH CANNERIES
Today I volunteered to work at the Church Cannery. We were working on canning chili. There were three women and one man from our designated area of town. We all came from different areas, totaling about 15-20 volunteers.

There are many different areas where we could be assigned. For instance, you could put together boxes and place them on the track, watch the cans come through the line and make sure they didn’t catch on anything, look for flaws in the can itself, work the label machine, participate in the boxing of the cans, lifting the filled boxes onto a palate and so on. But my friends and I got the auspicious job of placing 2010 labels on 2009 Peas and Corn boxes.

　

The brother who took our photos was terrific. I wish I got his name.

There were palates upon palates of boxes with the year 2009 on them. Since this is 2010, there needed to be a new label put over the old 2009 on the boxes. The church believes in waste not want not, use it up, repair it, make do. So for about 3 of my 4 hours I put sticky 2010 labels on the old 2009 boxes. We put new labels on nearly 4000 boxes.

Not that I didn’t just love putting 2010 labels over the 2009 on the boxes, but it did become somewhat redundant after 2 hours. I occasionally looked around the room at what others were doing. Roberta was working on the boxes and I saw that frequently she was just standing there. That looked like a pretty good job to me, at least something different anyway. Finally, I went over to Roberta and asked if I could trade with her. This was not something unknown there, trading. I had seen some trading of jobs going on already. Roberta was so wonderful to let me work at her job. She gave me some training and I was off and boxing.

Well, it wasn’t as easy as it looked. I got boxes upside down, and not sealed on the bottom and the line backed up and, and , and. The permanent workers were so nice to me. Apparently Roberta was just so efficient that it looked easy and it looked like she was just standing around. After working on the boxes for probably ½ hour, one of the permanent workers let me trade with Linda and I got to go back to labeling the boxes again.

I had such a good time. The professional folks at the cannery were great. They were informative, inclusive, fun and efficient. There were also missionaries who came. I especially loved watching the missionary sisters run the fork lift. That is a job I’d love. But the best thing about the cannery is knowing that you are helping people all over the world. There is such a need for humanitarian aid now, and it gives me such a good feeling knowing that I’m doing something that will make a difference.

I’ve worked at Church Canneries since I was in my teens. When I was just a new member of the church, I canned tuna in the old San Diego Cannery downtown. We could always tell in San Diego when the tuna fleet was in. You could smell fish all the way to my home in El Cajon, 40 miles away. The old cannery had wood tables the fish would be placed on, for us to cut them up, pull out the bones and other entrails and prepare them for cans. The cans ran down the center between two long wooden tables. We stuffed cleaned up tuna in the cans.

At some point the church built a new tuna cannery in San Diego. My mother was an inspector in that cannery, because of her college education in kitchen procedures. One of the men at this cannery told me that the San Diego Cannery is no longer there. He said the church tore it down. I have such good memories of the volunteer time I had there.

I have worked in church welfare farms and canneries in California, Washington, Arizona and now here in Utah. I remember having helped in canning tuna, corn, beef, jam, soup and now chili. I’ve also helped in the dry pack canning of carrots, rice, oatmeal, milk and so on.

The welfare program of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is huge and provides shelter, food, jobs, education and many other services. I’m so happy to be able to help the people of the world in this way. Where else could someone go for a few hours as they can, that would have such far reaching influence?

Here are some links to interesting websites:

Link to the church's provident living site:

Visit the new Latter-day Saint Charities Web site to learn about LDS Church relief efforts in Haiti. To make a donation to worldwide relief efforts.
Haiti Relief Efforts

Go to the Humanitarian Services Emergency Response donation form.
Humanitarian Services Emergency Response

Sensitivity Training

SENSITIVITY TRAINING

Years ago, about 1968, I was living on state welfare. I hated it and wanted to support myself and my boys. I didn’t have any training in anything useful. I had been a telephone operator but those jobs were few and far between in San Diego. I worked in Prove as a telephone operator. They hired lots of wives as operators each year. San Diego wasn’t like that. I’m not a person that can just learn on the job so I was very miserable. And the welfare person over my case didn’t want me to work. He said I should be home with my children. Yes, I wanted that too. But I felt so worthless living off welfare. And people made fun of me at drug and grocery stores when they saw my food stamps. I was humiliated.

I asked the person over my case if I could have some help with an education so I could get off welfare. He reluctantly said there was some help available. I researched many occupations and schools. So many jobs took 4 years. Then I found a Dental Assistant school which only took 3 months and applied for admission. I was accepted by the school and the state was willing to help me with the tuition. Oh, happy day. I could get an education and go to work in 3 months. But first I had to take a Sensitivity Training class.

This was a big thing in the 60s. Very new and cutting edge training to learn to get along with your fellow workers. I attended the class in downtown San Diego somewhere. I can’t remember. There were 5 women and 5 men. We had to UNDERSTAND what another person was telling us. We had to read their body language and look into their eyes and really UNDERSTAND them. I thought this was nuts. It was obvious that everyone was hiding their true feelings. And some of the guys were always trying to read into what the women were saying. Some men made everything sexual. It was creepy. Eventually it was banned. But I got through it and went to my dental assistant class.

I did very well in the class. I had the highest grades and was quite popular with the other students and the teacher. This upset the administration. When they interviewed me they made it abundantly clear that I was going to be watched and if I made one wrong move, I would be kicked out. Sheesh!

The class elected me to give the graduation speech, which was very upsetting to the administration. They tried to stop my participation but I called the person over my case and he put a halt to that. I graduated and got a job.

That was Sensitivity Training of the 60s. Really creepy. Not one of the facilitators was trained in any way. Some of the women had a difficult time “opening up.” And then it turned out they had been molested. Boy that was scary to have that come up with a facilitator who didn’t know what they were doing.


ME AND GAIL AND SENSITIVITY TRAINING

When I was in Mesa AZ I was having a difficult time with some folks in church. I had to work with them and was in a somewhat supervisory position. They always seemed to put me in a situation where I had to tell them they couldn’t do something according to the church policies. This made me very nervous because they kept telling me what they were going to do, like take all the young women to Las Vegas. For what? For a T-shirt convention. Hmm. No, unless they wanted to do it on their own insurance as the church insurance wouldn’t cover the trip, according to the bishop. Oh, they were mad.

I complained a lot to my friend Gail and she was getting very tired of my complaining. One day she said; “No offense taken, no offense given!” I said; “What?” And Gail repeated it. I had to write it down. It took me a bit to really understand what it meant, but when I did get it I made it my own. I love that saying. Sometimes the natural man in me reacts but I do try to live by that motto as much as I can.

Does it mean I can’t be “right” ever? Well, to me it means that “right” probably doesn’t matter really. I still had to make sure the young women didn’t go on trips or to events that were not appropriate on the church’s dime. But it meant that I didn’t have to get upset at the other leaders when they gave me a bad time. It was their problem. I do not have to get upset no matter what.


CUBS AND SENSITIVITY TRAINING

My next association with sensitivity training was in Mesa AZ. Merlin and I were teaching Cub Scouts. We had a bunch of great Cubs. One of them was not a member of the Church. I had always had non-members in my Church Packs. It made the Packs so much better and the parents were great. We had a Navy Chaplin, a truck driver, and others. Lots of great folks.

Sometimes the kids who didn’t have church experience were a little bit edgy and rough. This included the LDS kids who didn’t have much experience with church. But the Cub program really was wonderful and things usually worked out.

This one time however, the boys were roughhousing and teasing at school and the church boys were forming a bit of a coalition against the one non-member. The non-member finally had had enough and told one of the boys that his mother was fat. This apparently was the worst thing that any of them could think of. The church boy vowed to never go to Cub Scouts again if that other boy was there, who said his mother was fat. His mother wasn't fat, but I don’t think that was really the issue. All the boys were in an uproar.

Both sets of parents called me complaining about each offending boy. There was certainly a case for each side. But who was right and who was wrong wasn’t really the problem. Learning to get along when things don’t go the way we want was the problem.

I called each offending boy and parents and asked them to come to the next Den Meeting. I then asked the dad with the fat wife (just kidding) to talk at the meeting about how we should try to get along with one another. He was a policeman and I knew he had to take sensitive training (not like mine I hope) so I thought he would be sensitive to everyone’s feelings.

The boys were great. They listened with great attention to the policeman dad’s talking about how we should watch what we say and how we say it. We should be considerate of everyone’s feelings.

Then I thanked him and reiterated what he said and supported the importance of always trying to be kind and helpful to folks.

Then I also talked about how we should not always take offense at what people say. We do not have to react to everything. We have choice. We can get upset at what people say or do or we can ignore it. Bad behavior does not have to affect us or our behavior or attitudes. We do not have to be “right.” We can look at the bigger picture, such as why should I take offense and ruin my fun at Cub Scouts? Or how will my taking offense affect my family and my friends? And we don't have to proliferate the commotion by enlisting others in support of our side of the situation.

I then put it to the officer dad and asked him what he thought of trying to be less easily offended. He agreed and went on to elaborate on that point.

We had a great meeting and everyone felt much better after my little Sensitivity Training with dads and Cubs.

BEYOND SENSITIVITY TRAINING

Of course there are some things that are just Beyond the Pale, and our feelings are deeply hurt and raw. I love the saying Beyond the Pale. The Pale was an area delineated by fences in English Ireland in the 1400s, near Dublin. Living Beyond the Pale was living in uncivilized society. Offenses that are Beyond the Pale are the times that prayer and fasting is of help to me, and time. One of our daughter’s in law said she doesn’t want any empty seats. I’m am quite impressed with that. I think I will make it my own too.

“No offense taken, no offense given.”
“No empty seats.”