On Blended Families

I wrote this article for The Ensign in the early 1990s I think. The managing editor, Don Seal, loved the premise but wanted more personal stories added. I never felt impressed to add more of our personal experiences with the children; more than are already included, so this never got published. I’ve updated it a bit, but this is essentially the article I sent to The Ensign. This updated version was written around Dec 2010.

HOW WE WORKED OUT OUR BLENDED FAMILY

We got married in 1985. We had both lived separately in Vancouver WA for about 7 years. On advice from very trusted friends, we decided to move away from there after our marriage. People told us that there was so much out there about our pervious marriages, it might be difficult to begin anew. Therefore, the day after we got married, off we went to AZ.

Merlin had just been hired as a salesperson for a company that rented commercial dishwashers and sold the chemical for the machines. I did not have a job or even a license yet. Merlin was 48 and I was 40. This was a beginning of a new life for us, and was risky business at our ages, to go to a different state and begin our life together, essentially without money. Heavenly Father blessed our venture by allowing us to be sealed in the Seattle Temple. Our meeting and marriage is a story to be told at another time.

We have between us, six children. My youngest, Scott, then age 17, was still in high school, so he came with us. Merlin had two sons living in Vancouver with their mother, one son just off his mission and living in Tempe AZ, and one daughter living on her own in Vancouver. My oldest was going to college. Over the years, all of the children have lived with us except one. That first year we had three of the boys living with us off and on, and Scott who was there all the time. Merlin and I were excited and looked forward with anticipation to the many positive adventures our children would have in the future. In our combined mind’s eye, we saw them having all of the fine things of life, hopefully avoiding any pain, discomfort, distress, worry and embarrassment.

At the time, second marriages were called “blended”. Blending is defined in the dictionary as to mix a substance with another substance so that the two do not readily separate. The statistics on second marriages were dismal at best. Some 70% of them were failing according to data at the time. We were unwavering in our determination to stay together for ourselves as well as for our children. Second and third marriages often fail because of problems between the partners regarding the raising and disciplining of the children, around 40% of second marriages were failing for those reasons, according to National Center for Health Statistics (2002). It did not seem good for anyone if our marriage failed.

As we began dating, Merlin noticed that my sons manipulated me. I was not so aware of this, but when he mentioned it, I took a look and recognized what was happening. Of course, children will try to get what they want and perhaps I was somewhat lenient because of my divorce. I felt guilty for not being able to keep my marriage together, either of them actually. So perhaps I overlooked some manipulation on the boys’ part. Merlin allowed his children to over influence him, possibly for the same reasons. So we noticed even before we were married some irregular behavior in our communications with our children. It was nothing serious at the time, but it might be disadvantageous at some point.

Most children do not want their parents to divorce, no one wants to change how they relate to their parents, and no one wants to establish new and different ways to communicate. Abuse aside, what we know is what we want, it is comfortable to us and we want it to remain the same. When something in a group changes, it creates chaos until new ways of looking at things develop. Merlin and I are not communication geniuses or even very insightful. Recognizing that fact and also understanding that all of us had been in remarkably dysfunctional families prior to beginning this one, Merlin and I were willing to obtain help from any source. We prayerfully began looking for some experts to help us navigate through the precarious straits of establishing new relationships within this newly formed family.

Our Stake was offering several classes in how to communicate within blended families. We took the course. It seemed that communication was not that much different within a blended family. Using the guidelines given to us in this church course, we still noticed some reticent behavior in our children who were living at home or came for extended visits. We went to the library and searched for information on how other blended families coped and established a friendly functioning family unit. There was nothing, absolutely nothing. I was astonished. It seemed to me that with 70% of the blended families failing, there should be something! But there was nothing.

We did find some sociology books that described some of the pitfalls of second marriages. More than one text mentioned that one of the difficulties is that there are set rules of behavior and communication habits within all families, which are unique to that family and unknown to those outside the family. This made sense. It even mentioned that the family that makes these unseen and unknown rules might not even be aware of having these usual and customary behavioral sets. Often these communication ways are not harmful to the family unit. But in a blended family “if these differences result in inconsistent parenting practices or fighting between parents over child-rearing, existing child behavior problems may be exacerbated.” This quote is from Clinical Psychology Review. (1994) 14 (5): 463-496. I could not find the old sources we looked at but I have three current sources that say the same thing. As noted above about 40% of remarriages end because of differences over children born in prior marriages.

Our children were teens and young adults, who seemed quite well established in their prior families’ well used and probably unknown silent communications skills. After studying this concept, we realized that this would be understandable. If Merlin and I did not know about these uncommunicated behavioral sets prior to our marriage, we were sure that the children were unaware that these silent “rules” were transferred to our blended family. But we began to watch and learn. We saw that when we asked for something, the kids were reacting as they would have reacted within their original family. Now we began to see why we were baffled and troubled by the unrest within the family. Understanding this to mean that together we had no history with the children and that we needed to make a new history, new unseen rules of behavior for this family.

It could be argued that a person may well feel these communication skills and sets were honored traditions within a family and some folks might consider these behaviors something to continue within any group what so ever. However, traditions are usually something like; big family breakfast on Sunday morning, reading the Christmas story on Christmas Eve, traditions surrounding the first day back at school, annual family walks, family birthday dinners, date night with mom or dad and so on. It seemed to us that the children couldn’t really anticipate transferring these other relatively private communication sets and skills between members in one family to the new family.

We discussed this over and over trying to figure out what to do. Driving in the car we discussed this, before bed, after waking up, on our walks we discussed what to do to unite the family. After all of this deliberation, we decided to talk over any and all ideas, questions, requests or what have you, put forward to us by the children. Together we would come up with our answers. We would put our heads together about what was expected within the family, whether it was interaction, eating, working around the house and yard, or playing. Merlin wanted us to decide together what was acceptable behavior and reasonable expectations, and then we would include the children in our decisions.

Often this was pathetically amusing. It could be as simple as one of them wanting to use the car. We would go off into our bedroom to discuss the request. Well, it was not easy to figure this out. Merlin might have said one thing about the car and me another. The car is just a for instance. It might have been money, or what have you. Each time we had a request, we would go off by ourselves and discussed it. Sometimes our discussions got pretty strident. Scott said he could hear us loud and clear. Merlin was adamant however, that we would come out of the room united. Then we would see how our answer played out with the situation and evaluate the affect on our family and on the behavior of the children. We might change how we did it on the next time around with the same kind of question.

This would have been so much easier if the children were toddlers, because sometimes the children would want to discuss a decision. We wanted to have our initial decision play out. Merlin and I came to the decision prayerfully, with great care, meditation and frequently intense discussion. We weren’t quick on our feet and so if the children wanted to change our decision, we would have had to go and discuss it again. This didn’t seem to be expedient. Merlin didn’t want to change in midstream so to speak or to go back and forth with every idea. So after we had made a decision, Merlin and I didn’t move from that stand easily. We counted on the children’s basic decency and trusted they would be able to see what we were doing. We were not asking them to do anything untoward, illegal, dangerous or improper.

We were working at establishing ways of doing things that were consistent with how we understood and perceived our goals for the new family. This was difficult for us and a lot of work, but we persevered. Then, thinking that if we all got to know each other better it would also benefit the whole, we tried to have all of the children in the area come over for dinners, birthday parties, holidays and what have you as frequently as possible. Having great faith in our children’s capacity for feeling love and knowing of their goodness, we felt these activities would be excellent opportunities for connecting and uniting the family and establishing our own communication skills and behavioral sets.

We were very touched not quite a year into our adventure, when Scott took us aside and told us that he could tell we were trying to put a family together. He said that he wanted his children to have the Whittle name. He wanted his children to identify with us as a family. We were so happy and encouraged by his acknowledgement of our efforts to establish a strong family. Merlin and I noticed that he didn’t actually say we had done a good job, only that he perceived that we were making an effort. But we were elated.

While we are still not communication aficionados, by now we probably have our own uncommunicated rules and sets within the family. Our goal was to have our interconnected sets of behavior include courtesy, respect for each other’s differences, and gracious and well-mannered communication. We are contented and happy with our marriage relationship which was certainly affected by our interminable and incessant discussions. At the time we did what we felt was right for the new family in order to be among the 30% of the blended families who stayed together. Some of the children remember this time with, if not fondness, at least humor. Some are still at odds with what we have done. However, we are very happy with our family. Each of our children seems happy, taking care of their families, and enjoying life. We are so proud of them.

Canda's Big Day!

A Big Day for Family!

















When I write or talk of my spiritual experiences with family history and temple work, it seems I can’t find the words to express the exquisite events that happen. This event is not an exception. We were lucky enough to be able to attend Merlin’s daughter’s first time at the temple last Saturday. We didn’t even know if it was going to happen because there were so many cogs that had to fall into position for it to take place. We had planned on visiting that weekend anyway, and feel so blessed that everything worked out so that Canda and Thom would be able to attend the Saturday we were there. Saturday was Thom’s birthday. They will never forget that day.

Canda asked me to be her Escort. That is such an honor and I always love being someone’s escort for their first time at the temple. I know there are many people who love Canda and who could have been her escort. All along I told her to make it a matter of prayer as to who would be her escort. It is not a competition. It is her day and she should have the person who is selected by the spirit for her. Because of that, I told her, no one would feel bad if they weren’t chosen. Everyone will rejoice for her and Thom. Never the less, I did appreciate being her escort and participating in the experience with her. There were many spiritual happenings which can not be related, that strengthen my understanding and appreciation of temple worship. I will never forget the day!

Probably more than 25 people met her and Thom when she was finished. There were tears and hugs all around. That was pretty astonishing because the ward had a ward temple day the next day! We love their ward.

Afterward we went on a shopping spree at the distribution center and then to dinner. It was a huge day and we feel so fortunate to have been there.

But the party continues. . . .

Their ward has a terrific Family History Committee which prepares temple activities for the ward to participate in. Their Bishop had a plan for the entire ward to increase their temple attendance this year. This included being on the temple grounds or visitor center if that was what a person can do. Some members set goals for temple attendance.

Saturday was the ward’s special day. Members had prepared to attend anytime during the day, doing the work for which they felt most inspired and then meet for a chapel session at 1PM. Two of Canda and Thom’s friends, Bro and Sis Harrison, prepared to do some family sealings. We were excited when we found out we could participate, and also they said that I could bring some of my family names who needed sealing. This was wonderful because Jenny and I had been trying to get enough people together to do these sealings for weeks if not months! Here were 5 couples all together in one room with time enough to get these names done! How wonderful was that?!

Grandma has her children now and Dad is sealed to his mother and father. This is a quote from Suzanne Harrison, Canda and Thom's friend; “Testimonies were increased as to how important these covenants are....for all our families....for every person!!!! Someone in the session mentioned (while the officiator was trying to get the whole "family" arraigned properly and it was taking some extra time and all) something to do with ...at least it wasn't a live session....and the officiator stopped and said...(cheerfully) "but, it is!" We did work...just our little group...for many, many people in our collective families.”

Thom felt that my Dad was there and was very happy that this sealing of him to his parents was finally accomplished. It seems they were waiting on me. How many more are waiting. . . .



Dad as a baby with big sister, Vella Clarice. They are now sealed to their parents.










Then the party continues. . . .

We went with Canda and Thom to their Sunday services. What a wonderful ward they have. We loved the spirit there.

Afterward, Thom and Canda had a party for their friend Suzanne and Thom’s birthdays which happened that weekend. Thom cooked his famous steaks and we had a great time.
It was the best weekend ever!

Lambs Canyon Trail

From Mill Creek Side:


Lambs Canyon Trail from Mill Creek Road. After this little bit, it seemed straight up to me.


This doesn't look as steep as it really was.

A beautiful little creek runs along the trail. I pooped out after 17 minutes. I felt very discouraged.

From Parley's Way Side:


This is an animal track, we think a pretty large animal.



Beautiful place to hike.


I can't believe how lucky I am to be in this wonderful natural watershed wilderness area.


This is just the most beautiful place.



The trail is narrow with steep drop off in places like this. I hiked up for 43 minutes this time. I was much happier. We met some folks on the trail who were very nice from Park City Mountain Sports Club. http://www.pcmsc.org/


Last Saturday Merlin and I took a drive up Mill Creek Canyon to see what was there. We found a trail that looked interesting called Lambs Canyon Trail. It was nearly straight up but I wanted to try it. I only made it up for 17 minutes and was pooped out. I wasn’t feeling well that day but it was still my personal best for that kind of terrain. I was so excited so I called Eileen to brag a little. She was really proud of me. However, that day she hiked up to Mt Aries, which is a really difficult hike. Sheesh! Will I ever get that good?

One day this week, Eileen called me at 6:30AM and told me that she and another friend were in the parking lot nearby and wondered if I wanted to go hiking with them. YES! I had just woke up and was groggily preparing Merlin’s work lunch. I perked right up, made Merlin’s sandwich, grabbed my hiking shoes and ran out the door. In my excitement, I fell down on the sidewalk on the way to the car, but managed to only skin up a few areas. A band aid here and there and we went hiking up Little Cottonwood Canyon again. What could be better than that to start the day on! Eileen times our hikes to check my improvement. That was my personal best of one hour total hiking.

Yesterday, Merlin and I drove up Parley’s Canyon (I-80) to exit 137 which is the road to Lambs Canyon from the other side. The Saturday before we tackled Lambs Canyon Trail from the Mill Creek side. Parley’s side was a beautiful trail, very closed in with vegetation. The trail was narrow with a steep drop off in some areas, which was difficult to see because of the shrubbery and trees. This was my personal best for the second time in one week. I hiked up for 43 minutes. Then I fell down because my legs were getting weak, so we went back down. But hiking up for 43 minutes! That felt really good. It took 27 minutes to go down. So I was hiking for 70 minutes in all.
My goal has been to be able to hike 2 ½ hours. Eileen told me at a party last night that she and a friend hiked up for 3 hours and then back down for 3 hours yesterday, and she still went to the party! Well, that just terminated my goal of 2 ½ hours. I’m going to have to be content with my progress but place my goal a bit higher.

Hiking along Little Cottonwood Road

This is Little Cottonwood Creek about 2 weeks after some flooding in Midvale from the spring runoff. That is a large log.

My trainer, Eileen.

An irrigation head gate probably from about 1870s. Ore was found in Little Cottonwood Canyon in abt 1860s.

Great view of the craigy mountains of Little Cottonwood Canyon.

Eileen then took me up Little Cottonwood Road to several hikes that were still a little easy but more difficult than the one on Wasatch Blvd. These hikes couldn’t have been better. There is nothing that can surpass hiking along the Little Cottonwood, listening to the creek, and the chirping birds and finding the PLFs, except going to the temple. PLF is what Eileen calls the pretty little flowers when she doesn’t know what they are. She loves looking at the flowers so much I felt I could do something for her for all she has done for me. I bought her a book and take along guide for the flora of the Wasatch Range.
I have been improving slowly but surely. Sometimes I would be so discouraged because this new physical exercise would flair up some of my health issues. But I just have to think that if I wasn’t doing this really fun hobby, these problems would probably flair up anyway. And I would have the flair up and not be as happy as I am now with my new hobby.

My Geese

When I was young my Dad would take me with him to the feed stores. He had rabbits and chickens and ducks so we went to feed stores to get their food. Each spring they had ducklings, chicks and goslings to buy. I looked at these babies and wondered if I could ever get a gosling sometime for a pet. When I was 7 years old I asked Dad for 50 cents to buy a gosling. He let me have one. Other spring times I rode my bike up to the feed store all by myself and bought the gosling. I wore my dad’s white shirt and put the gosling in my pocket and rode home on my bike. All in all I bought and took care of and raised 8 goslings.
I had to keep my goslings inside the house because in those days we didn’t have leash laws and there were loads of cats and dogs in the neighborhood that would love to have a juicy little gosling for dinner. I kept the baby in a box with newspapers and water and mash for the baby to eat. I also put some soft material for the baby to snuggle up to. Sometimes Dad would help me put a light bulb in the box for warmth. I kept the box nice and clean, changing it each day or more often because it might get wet with water, never mind poop.





When the goslings got bigger, my folks let me keep the baby goose in the bathtub and we had only one bathroom too! I put papers down and water and mash for the babies to have. Each morning I had to clean the tub out for everyone to get ready for work, school and just life. Then I’d make up the tub again for the goslings and there they would stay unless I had them outside to play. The folks let me do this several times as I had 8 geese in all. Sometimes I got two goslings at a time. We did eat two geese, but I didn’t like doing that. I think they figured this out and stopped that practice.


I took the goslings outside a lot and played with them but until they got big enough to defend themselves, they stayed inside, in the bathtub. We had 15 ducks and 22 chickens, but Dad took care of them. We had two pigeons, two guinea pigs and one tortoise. Dad took care of those animals also. I ended up with 5 adult geese and one gander. We had great eggs. Mother said they made the best cakes ever. I liked the taste of fried goose eggs. We didn’t have any baby geese hatch from their eggs because we didn’t have enough water to allow them to mate. Geese mate for life and my gander had 5 geese as mates.

When we ate dinner our table was in front of French doors. As the they grew up, the geese would fly out of their pen and sit on the porch which was right in front of the doors and visited with us while we ate. They would have come in had we opened the door. They were family.


Marty and I would go on bike rides. Often I would pack a little snack for my gosling and take it with us. I’d wear my dad’s shirts and put the gosling in the pocket, his head sticking up looking around getting a good view of where we were going. When we stopped, we’d sit under a tree and I’d take my gosling out to run around and feed it a little cracker. Then back into my pocket and we’d go home.


When I was 8 years old our milkman became very dangerous to me personally. I had to break away from him once. After that I hid in the garage when he came to deliver the milk. Mother was working then. After he attacked me, the milkman came into the backyard and called out for me when he delivered the milk. My geese flew over their fence and ran to attack him and he had to run away from them. He could never come into the backyard after that. My geese would protect me. When geese run to attack you it isn’t pretty.

I would lay out on the lawn in the backyard and my geese would fly out of their pen and come snuggle around me, talking to me and picking at my face, ears and hair with their beaks. They thought they were my children and I was their mother. Insight had set in for them when they were goslings and I was taking care of them inside the house.


When I was 10 years old, my cousin David wanted to shoot my bow and arrows. I asked him if he had ever shot a bow and he said that he had not. I was very much against him shooting because the target was just in front of my goose pen. It was a backstop made of wood planks about 5 feet by 5 feet. In front of that was a bail of hay with a target on it. I practiced my target shooting all the time, but I was worried about my cousin who had never shot a bow and arrow. We were the same age. I finally gave in and let him shoot. He shot one arrow and it went through the only knot hole in the entire backstop right into my geese pen and right through the neck of one of my geese. I was really upset. I thought he had killed one of my pets. Dad caught the goose, which was running around like a goose with an arrow through it’s neck, and pulled the arrow out. Dad told me the goose would be just fine and he was. The goose healed very quickly. My cousin never asked me about what happened to the goose. We just never talked about it.
In 1995 I visited with my cousins David, Suzie and Kathy. They asked me if we ate that goose. I told them that the goose had survived. They were so astonished. Dave was a little upset because the girls had teased him for all these years that he had killed my goose. They could have asked me.

When I was in high school, they would fly out of their pen when they heard me walking home. I was nearly 1/2 mile away, but they knew I was on my way home. They would walk single file on the side of the road all the way up to where the highway met our street to meet me, honking all the way up, and walk behind me single file honking all the way home. They’d go in the back yard and get back in their pen.


When I got married I couldn’t take them with me to Oakland so Dad and I took them over to Lindo Lake in Santee. There were loads of duck and geese families there and my family of geese did very well there. I did miss them loads.
I went back once to see if they were alright. I saw them from afar. They were a nice family of geese. I didn’t let them see me, afraid that they might recognize me. I didn’t want to disrupt the life they had made for themselves at the lake.

Lindo Lake in Santee
Dad and I did a little fishing there and the family went there in the early morning and cooked breakfast. Jack and Janie would play in the park.

My Hiking Journal

I have been feeling so much better this year. I’m off three medications I had been taking. I’m working more days now. I am feeling much better. Our children are wonderfully taking care of themselves and busy, busy, busy.
So I have found myself at age 66, feeling good, and feeling free and wanting to do something different. I thought about what I would like to do. Already I read, sew, visit with my friends, study Spanish for my work, help people with their Family History. One of the things I thought I should begin doing is exercise. I hate exercising. I’ve only been able to do it when I needed to be fit for something else like volleyball, my Cub calling I had for 23 years, vacation or what have you.
So, now that I have a little time and feeling some freedom I began to think about how I could incorporate exercise into my life. I thought of how much Merlin likes dancing. We could take a dancing class, that would be exercise. Merlin wasn’t as interested as I was. I thought we could play tennis or get baseball mitts and play catch. Merlin said this sounded sort of fun, but we never actually moved in that direction by looking at tennis rackets or gloves.
My friend, Eileen, has consistently told me about the hiking she was doing. She hikes, kayaks, skis, snowshoes, and scuba dives. I often tell her how proud of her and and how much I’d like to do what she was doing, but I am so out of condition. She has offered to help me get in shape. Finally one day toward the end of June this year, I took her up on her offer. I love hiking, the outdoors, camping, picnicking and everything out in God’s great creation. And this would also improve my health.
She first took me to a little hike across from the Le Callie Restaurant along Wasatch Blvd. It was beautiful with the trail running along side the Little Cottonwood Creek which was running full still from the spring runoff. There was a little hill probably 50 feet. While making my way up this little hill, I had to stop 4 times to catch my breath. The last time I stopped to catch my breath, I kneeled down and then I had a hard time getting up. I was really out of shape.

We went on this trail two times and I took Merlin once. It was beautiful each time and I improved each time and Merlin enjoyed it too. However, Merlin is in great condition because of his work. Never the less, he goes with me which is the best. I also began going down to our exercise room and working out on our machines. This helped a lot. The first time I went down, there was a woman working out on the elliptical. She had been on it for nearly one hour! After 10 minutes on the bike I was exhausted but thinking I should build up my leg muscles, I went over to the weight machines. I was like a beached whale trying to get in and out of the machines. The very beautiful, slim woman on the elliptical just laughed at all my maneuvers and groans. I felt humiliated. But I was in love with my new hobby, so I just took it and went on. My last time on the elliptical was 30 minutes. A big improvement for me. Plus I'm much better on the weight machines. I don't groan so much.

Ashley the Jack Russell Terrier and Sebastian the cat

Ashley and Sebastian

We watched Scott and Jenny’s home and pets last weekend, while they went to Bear Lake. I’ve never house set before. In preparation, I began thinking of what might happen while I was responsible. We could have a tornado, earthquake, micro burst that only targeted their house, or perhaps a crude oil line break beneath their house. You think unlikely, but given my general level of anxiety, these were things I couldn’t discount.

While those emergencies might be doubtful, there was one little ball of fire that focused my attention on the hear and now-Ashley, the Jack Russell Terrier.

I had a good time with Ashley. But I did have my other less dramatic anxieties which are enumerated below.

1. I watched her very carefully because I was trying to keep the home neat and tidy and I didn’t want Ashley to have an accident on my watch.
2. I worried that Ashley might run away and I would not be able to get her back. She is as old as I am but she can really run fast and she knows I’m not the alpha person when it comes to dogs. So no matter how much I plead, coax and beg, whistle and jump up and down, she doesn’t pay any attention to me, unless I have her leash and ask her if she wants to go for a walk. She gets that and is always ready. But I felt guilt-ridden to trick her by promising a walk and then putting the leash on her just to sneak her into the house. That’s just bad. And she would know.
3. So, here we were, two old ladies going on several walks a day for one of the old ladies to do her thing as we went. We won't ask which one. I was always hoping it wasn’t going to be me.
4. Then did I have enough food for us to eat? (We eat what we eat and are comfortable with that.) And I didn’t want to have to go to the store when Ashley needed a walk.
5. Would I forget my own schedule while watching the house, dog and rabbit? I might be on a walk with Ashley, so that there would be no mess in the house and she would be comfortable, when I was supposed to be with one of my friends helping her with her family history. Oh the stress of it all!

But I did enjoy the walks through Red Butte Creek and the neighborhood with Ashley. She would let me know when she needed to go outside. She would become so excited when she knew we were going for a walk. I’d say; “Ashley, do you want to go for a walk?” She would come over to me and leap into the air at least two feet high. She would run ahead and come back to get me, then run ahead and come back again until we got her leash on. Then off we went on our walk. I had a good time visiting with other dogs and people along the way. Ashley strained at the leash at first, but by the second day she was no longer choking herself. Thankfully! She responded to little tugs on her leash to come along, and I responded when she really wanted to check out an area for a long time. I had a good time with Ashley.

There wasn’t much to do for the rabbit. She is in a raccoon proof cage. Her food and water were easy. She wasn’t in the house so she couldn’t mess it up. She didn’t need to go for a walk to poop. She did it in her cage. No stress really.

This time with Ashley reminded me of the time we watched Sebastian the cat for Canda and Thom. That was for nearly two weeks. Sebastian was my mother’s cat. When Mother died, Canda and Thom were kind enough to take Sebastian. Canda brought the food, vitamins and hair ball medicine and gave us wonderful instructions. We were to feed Sebastian once a day, give the vitamins and hairball medicines once a day by placing a bit on our finger and Sebastian would lick it off. Canda counseled us on the importance of this regimen for Sebastian’s health as he was an old cat.

Licking off the meds was something Sebastian never did. I was very worried that Sebastian would get sick on our watch. I went to the Petco and purchased some cat food with morsels of hairball medicine included. Sebastian carefully picked all of the anti-hairball bits out of the food and spit them out on the floor. So we began to have small clumps of hairball throw up around the house. I was beginning to feel really stressed.

We thought that Sebastian was used to having the run of the house and to sleep on Canda and Thom’s bed. Merlin didn’t like Sebastian sleeping with us but he agreed in order to help Sebastian during this likely stressful time for him while he was away from his own home. However, Sebastian would get on and off our bed during the night about five times. When he came back, he would smack us in the face so we would wake up and pet him a little to honor his return.

In response, Merlin shut our bedroom door at night. Sebastian countered the door being closed by howling all night, banging on the bedroom door and throwing up all over the house.

Sebastian’s food was another issue. I had replaced his regular food with food that included hairball medicine; Sebastian decided he wouldn’t eat any of that food. Totally wonderful! Sebastian won’t take his hairball medicine, vitamins or eat. So, I’ll give Sebastian back skinny, throwing up hairballs and who knows what else from the lack of his vitamins.

Now I’m finding myself at Petco to see if I can find a food that Sebastian might eat. Eureka! I found some very nice pricy food that was made with real fish. Surely Sebastian will recognize our benevolent and altruistic intent when he sees to what extent we will go to please him. No, he did not want that food either. I tried several different foods. I found myself at Petco one day, looking at specialty foods, personalized food and water dishes with matching placemats. It finally came to me. . . This is not my cat. I only had to wait for his family to come and get him.

Then I go back to feeding him the original food and he eats. But he still will not take the vitamins and hairball stuff. I am trying to control my anxiety about not fulfilling my assignment. Toward the end of our cat sitting time I noticed Sebastian was gaining weight. I thought he was probably filling up with the few hairballs he didn’t throw up all over the house. Then I notice that Merlin was giving him food one evening. I was feeding Sebastian in the morning. Our instructions were to feed him once a day. Sebastian was getting fat!
We determined we were not responsible animal sitters. We were so relieved when Canda and Thom got back and didn’t say one thing about how Sebastian looked. And they didn’t seem to even care that he didn’t take his vitamins and hairball medicines. I am thankfully relieved of my stewardship.