MY AMAZING MOTHER
When my mother married Dad, she said she didn’t know how to do anything. She couldn’t cook, shop, sew, clean house, garden, drive or anything else it seems. She was just cute and fun I guess. Grandma Ware was probably just happy that one of her eight children lived and simply had fun with Mother. Mother always said that she was too ornery to die.
Throughout my life, I watched her tackle and master many new things. She was such an example of someone who was always interested, interesting and she never stopped learning.
Mother was also very understanding and compassionate and I’ve included some of her rescues in this short piece about her. It is Mother’s Day Sunday and I’m missing her. These stories came to my mind while I was thinking about her this week.
TAKING CARE OF ME SO I WOULDN’T DIE
Mother took classes during WWII for emergency preparedness which probably helped her with me.
This is the story Mother told to me. I was born in 1944. As an infant I was sick a lot and in the hospital, plus I threw up the formula that was popular at the time. I wasn’t gaining weight. Mother studied out the kinds of milk or formula that might be better suited. After trying many different ideas from various sources, she settled on goat’s milk. Apparently that worked. When I began eating real foods she then had another problem. I didn’t eat because I was sick so much, and some of the foods made me throw up. I was gaunt and it worried her. Mother tried so many foods and ways of fixing them so I would have the nutrition I needed and gain a little weight. When I was 8 years old I began having fewer problems with asthma and bronchitis, then I gained too much weight. Mother wasn’t happy about the weight gain, but very happy that I wasn’t getting as sick as often.
When we moved to El Cajon, I still had trouble with some stomach problem that made me throw up. Mother decided it was acidosis and give me tomatoes or warmed blackberry brandy.
I HATED THE ALLERGY SHOTS
Perhaps I had fewer problems with asthma because I was taking allergy shots each week. Mother and I would take the bus from El Cajon to downtown San Diego. I was worried the whole bus ride. I’d get the d
readed shot then we would go shopping at Kress Five and Dime, or to the movies. We nearly always went to the Plaza and got a chili and sauerkraut hotdog. I hated the shots and would have acted out, but Mother would have none of that. She never threatened or cajoled, I just had to be perform well because that was what was expected. She said that I had to have the shot each week. It wouldn’t do me any good or make it better if I acted out. It wasn’t part of Mother’s rules or plan to with hold any fun thing to obtain compliance. It was enough that she might get mad.
Mother never allowed me to use my illness to get attention. She told me that I was responsible for myself, which I knew anyway because of being in the hospital by myself. She taught me how to stop an asthma attack. Sometimes it worked and sometimes it didn’t. About 50%. It was a good feeling when I could stop one in it’s tracks by myself, then I‘d go back outside to play. If it didn’t work I’d have to tell the folks and they took me to the hospital. But no sympathy, no special attention and certainly no comforting. In fact she would more likely get mad at me. I didn’t feel like she was really mad at me, but irritated that I was having trouble. Notifying Mother I was in the throes of an asthma attack I couldn’t control wasn’t fun, but I understood it was necessary.
Nowadays they say that children do things to get any attention, even if it is negative. It doesn’t feel that I had asthma attacks to attract attention to myself. Knowing when to ask for help was part of what Mother had taught me. It was my job to monitor my own illness.
Mother told me that Dad keep an eye on all of the medications that were given to me and kept a record in a notebook. I have a page of the book listing some oral meds and also the radiation treatments given to me.
BESIDES TAKING CARE OF ME WITH THE ASTHMA
When I was a child, I had very bad leg aches at night. Mother would hear me crying and would come in and rub my legs with a warming cream until the pain would subside. I really appreciated that. When Parker was nearly 2 years old, he began having leg aches and I knew what to do because my Mother was my example.
MARTY
Marty had hemophilia. Mother and Marty didn’t have the same type blood but Mother had type O, the universal donor. She was always on call in case Marty had an emergency and needed blood quickly. She was called several times. I was very proud of her for always being prepared to help Marty.
In this photo, Marty has a patch over his eye because he was hemorrhaging. We took advantage of the patch and play cowboy/pirates.
PRESSURE COOKER ACCIDENT
Mother was called one day by the lady across the street. She told me to stay where I was as she ran over there. The lady was using a pressure cooker and it blew up in her face. I don’t know if she didn’t follow directions for the cooker or if it was defective in some way. Anyway, Mother ran across the street and assisted the woman until the ambulance got there. I just thought Mother could take care of anything.
This isn't a very good photo of this event, but I couldn't find a photo of a pressure cooker going bad.
THE B
IRTH OF THE BABY
Mother’s friend Gay was pregnant. She lived across the street also. Gay called Mother in the throes of delivering the baby. Mother ran over there and delivered the baby, who was eventually named BeaGay. In those days if the mother delivered the baby away from the hospital, the mother wasn’t allowed to go to the hospital with the baby for the well check. Mother rode in the ambulance, carrying the baby to the hospital to have her examined. Again, Mother to the rescue. I was so impressed. She was such an example to me.
MY DUCK WAS DROWNING
I had the six gee
se, two pekin ducks and fifteen mallard ducks. My mallard ducks were able to have babies in our back yard pen. When I came home from school, one of the babies had drowned in the drinking basin. I was so upset. I was crying for Mother to come out and see. She took the baby duck, placed it in her palm, then she performed CPR by pushing on the ducks back while directing me to lift it’s wings at a certain time. After a few of these procedures the duck coughed up water and stood up. She saved my duck! I laughed and cried at the same time.
WHAT I LEARNED
Watching Mother take care of those around her and me, even in some pretty serious situations, taught me to care for others in whatever capacity was required. I'm glad I haven't had to deliver a baby.
I HAD THE B
EST BIRTHDAYS EVER!
One of my cousins said I had the best birthdays because we went to the beach. I assume that I was asked what I wanted to do for my birthday, and I always wanted to go to the beach. Mission Beach was my beach. The whole family was invited and I could invite a friend or two. Maureen and Marty often came to the beach with us.
Mother would cook and pack for hours, as though we were going on an African Safari, with loads of her great cooking and many changes of clothes. The folks planned on staying for hours. We’d get there about 2PM, Dad would put up the wind breaks surrounding a fire ring.
We’d swim, eat, play, swim, eat, play and so on. In the evening we sat around the fire ring and sang songs. I could still feel the motion of the waves on my body while driving home, usually around 9PM. It couldn’t have been better. I felt very lucky.
ORIE
NTAL STENCILING
Mother learned how to make and paint beautiful oriental pictures. She would find a photo she liked and make the stencil for it and then paint it. The paintings were really professional looking. They were about 18 inches by 24 inches when framed. I don’t know where all of her beautiful paintings are now. The photo I’ve included is very much like what she painted.
This is a good representation of Mother's work.
WHEN MOTHER WENT TO WORK AT A GERIATRIC HOSPITAL
Mother earned money by making western shirts for square dancers. Square dancing was very popular in El Cajon. There was the Bostonia Ballroom where Smokey Rogers had a band. Elvis was there and Willie Nelson and Johnny Cash. People went there to square dance. Mother’s shirts were very intricate with cutouts, sequins and fancy braids. I thought they were pretty amazing.
I couldn't find a photo of a western shirt as beautiful as Mother made, so I got this photo of Willie Nelson and others, which was taken at Bostonia Ballroom. Bonnie Jan Whittle was at Bostonia Ballroom during the time I went there for square dancing. She saw Johnny Cash there.
Mother worked for Town & Country Hotels making tailored drapes, and worked in Dad’s shops. She thought if someone was at the shop to take in repair work, Dad’s earnings might improve. He could go in at his leisure and fix the radios and TVs that Mother had taken in. I don’t think this worked. He didn’t go into the shop very often.
I think that Mother did ironing for people with a big ironing machine, an Ironrite I think.
But finally she decided to apply for a San Diego County job and took the San Diego County civil service test. She qualified for several positions. She finally took a kitchen worker job available at Edgemoor Geriatric Hospital in Santee. Edgemoor Geriatric Hospital was where Mother put Grandma Ware when Mother couldn‘t take care of her at our home. I’m sure she took that particular job so she could be close to Grandma. When she began working there she didn’t know how to drive. Dad would drive her there and home. Sometimes he forgot to pick her up and she would walk home, about 11 miles. I think being left like that is what motivated her to learn to drive.
Mother was in her 40s when Dad got her a big green Buick.
Oh, she loved that car. She felt so liberated by learning to drive. She couldn’t count on being picked up, so she learned how to drive to take care of herself. I took this as an example. Let people be how they want to be. Take charge of yourself. That was pretty smart of Mother I think. She took charge of herself and, despite her afflictions, she went totally out of her comfort zone and provided for the family.
MOTHER’S WORK ETHIC
Mother always taught Jody and I to do our best at whatever job we had. I know she wasn’t that satisfied with our work when we were young, but she always accepted our efforts, except when we just didn’t do it. That wasn’t fun.
A supervisor quit at Edgemore Geriatric Hospital in Santee, and Mother was asked to fill that position until the county gave another examination. She would be entitled to take test and apply for the situation, which meant more money. We thought she would be a shew in because Mother had been doing the job well for so long without the benefit of the extra pay. When the test was given, Mother came out at the top, she applied but wasn’t hired for the position she had filled for nearly 1 year. The job was given to another woman. She had no experience, and didn’t get a good score on the test. Her only qualification for the job was that she was Hispanic. Those were the days of equal opportunity and quotas for minorities in the workplace. We were pretty upset about Mother’s loss of this position she had been performing well for so long.
Mother was a great worker. She was dependable and efficient. She was friendly with her workmates and became close friends with several of them. Throughout her time at Edgemoor, Mother received many commendations for her work.
Jody and I were very fortunate to have this great example for the work ethic.
MO
THER LEARNED TO COOK
As I mentioned before, Mother didn’t know how to cook or shop when she married Dad. Setting about to learn, she bought a fancy French cookbook and tried so many recipes out on us. I thought Mother was a good cook. I loved her oxtail stew, and baked beans with cornbread. She made the best desserts.
Both of my parents were from Missouri. So we had a lot of basic good food. Mother also had a Swedish background and Dad had German/Swiss. Being from these rather eclectic environments, they were both pretty adventuresome. Mother tried some exotic and remarkably unappealing recipes. I most vividly recall her trying out octopus, nutria and homemade souse on us. These were pretty yucky, but I always admired her enterprising nature in exploring uncommon recipes and various types of foods. I learned from her and Dad that it was fun to try diverse foods from all over the world. It didn’t mean you had to love everything.
SHE CAME TO VERNAL WHEN I HAD PARKER
Mother came to help me when I had Parker. I think I may have had that post-partum depression you hear about now. I didn’t get dressed and didn’t eat. I took care of Parker, but that was all I could do. I was very happy I had Parker, but the rest of my life was a shambles and I was depressed. Mother wore herself out helping me when I wasn’t able to do anything. She just knew what to do.
So when I had Parker, we moved into a house in Jensen about 13 miles outside of Vernal. It was a new house, never lived in. No wonder, the house was on a bird reserve! It was June, hot and humid. We couldn’t open the windows because the bugs would come through the screen and swarm around Parker. The water supply was from a moldy cistern, so we had to boil the water. The dirt road to the main street was so rutted that Parker always threw up before we made it to the end. I couldn’t imagine what it would be like in 3 feet of snow driving a VW Bug.
Mother cleaned up the Jensen house, unpacked my things, cooked and did the wash. When President Wallis, Mr. Parks’ boss, found out where I was living, he found me a home to rent in Vernal, one block from downtown. He called me and told me he wanted me to move. So Mother moved me to Vernal, unpacked me, cleaned the Vernal house, cooked and did the wash. I think she lost weight during this “vacation”. She had to go back to work to rest up.
I was so lucky she was there. What would I have done?
CLO
THES FOR ME WHEN I NEEDED THEM
Mother sewed for me throughout my life. I appreciated it. I was the best dressed girl in school. Mother studied the European fashions and made over American patterns to reflect her ideas of style. I loved what she made for me. Later in my life there were times when I had no money and no prospects. She would bring me some very nice stylish outfit she had made for me. It really perked me up. I so love clothes, they are sort of like chocolate for me. And of course, chocolate is like chocolate too.
This photo is my favorite dress Mother made for me when I was eight years old.
CHURCH
When I was in my late 20s early 30s Mother would talk to me about wanting to go to church and I really encouraged her to do so. She became active and was very happy with that. Several years later I encouraged her to attend the temple and take out her endowments. She did that and was very happy. No doubt it made her mother happy also. Grandma Ware loved the church and felt it was a way for her to have all of her children. She was a good member of the church always.
As capable as my mother was at everything, I was surprised that she wouldn’t serve in callings that required her to give talks or be up in front of people, even to teach. She was so smart and I always thought she would have been able to serve in many positions. I wonder now if she had anxieties about being in front of people. She told me she could never teach.
The callings she did accept were secretary of the ward Primary and Visiting Teaching supervisor where she would call for reports. She sent cards to lots of people involved in her callings. She always took her callings seriously and was faithful in fulfilling them to the best of here abilities.
She took classes on genealogy and spent many hours ordering and looking at film from the SLC FHL for our ancestors. She wrote to different state organizations regarding her ancestors and sometimes she got something.
Whatever calling she had, Mother was skillful and efficient. She always went the second mile for her stewardship.
MOTHER HAD IDEAS ABOUT PROPER ETIQUETTE.
Mother had rules.
1. When you go to someone’s home, bring something or help out for whatever the event.
2. If you can’t talk without swearing, don’t say anything.
3. Use the proper words for everything, like vagina. No slang words.
4. Watch the slang you use for it’s original meanings. Don’t use vulgar words.
5. Let the older or disabled person go through the door before you. I’m 65 now and I can tell you this does not happen anymore.
6. Let the older or disabled person have your seat on the bus, if there are no other seats. Many times on the bus, I gave up my seat to an older person or pregnant woman.
7. Use the proper dining etiquette at home so it will become a habit and you won’t embarrass yourself in public. Still, when I went to eat at a friends house, I was always looking at how they ate and tried to copy them.
8. Don’t throw your coat/books/toys down in the front room when you get home. Put them away. It takes more energy to throw them down, then pick them up later and take them to their proper place, than it takes to put them away to begin with. This made so much sense to me.
9. Treat other people’s property with respect.
10. Mother felt it was very important to be polite and courteous to everyone. You can say what you want, it was her “rule”. Mother might have felt this rule could be trumped by another rule or a particular situation sometimes.
11. When people picked on me Mother would say, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me.” This was an old saying that is really dumb. Of course names hurt people and besides, some of these bullies used bricks too. Then Mother would threaten to beat me if I didn’t stand up for myself. So I just didn’t tell her when someone was after me.
12. Never wish for something bad to happen to anyone. Or if you did, never say the bad wish out loud or it would happen to you. I think this last part was a Swedish superstition.
I would say that over all, Mother was about self-control. I think that her philosophy was that if we can control our actions, re-actions, emotions, behavior, language and so on, we can do anything.
MOTHER WAS GOING TO LIVE AS LONG AS I DID
Mother always told me she wasn’t going to die before me because she thought I needed her to remind me of birthdays and commitments and so on. It has been a real struggle to try to keep up on everything since she did die and here I am still alive. A struggle with which I fall short frequently.
You might think it would be irritating to have someone always be calling and reminding you of upcoming events, several whiles before the event, asking what we were going to do. I guess I was mildly annoyed sometimes. But to be honest, I miss her reminding. It was a way of being involved with her too. She would call me way ahead of a holiday or event and ask me what we were going to do, or what I was going to do, or what we were going to have for the holiday dinner or what have you. I wasn’t even thinking of the planning of the event yet. But there she was, inviting me to participate with her. I would say; “What do you think?; this because I wasn’t ready to begin yet. Then we would visit about what could happen.
I learned my love of parties and holidays from Mother. She loved the preparation and anticipation. Me too! I mentally begin my holidays in October and celebrate all the way through January, into February when it is our anniversary.
I remember my first Christmas away from home, with me actually having money because I was working. And I was living where I could shop in “The City”. I went to San Francisco on the bus because I didn’t drive yet. I’d go to all the big name stores I had just heard about, such as The Paris, Macy’s and I Magnum. I’d look and relook, inspecting all of the offerings, finally buying something for each of my family. I was so excited to be able to shop and pick for my loved ones. I still get so excited. I doubt if my choices were perfect, but they were bought with much love and consideration. I made gifts too, pomander balls so fragrant.
I got a funny ceramic statue for Mother for Mother’s Day one year. I was so proud of what I got. It really was pretty funny and odd, but I got it at an import place so I thought it was very wonderful. Mother kept it. I have it now. It reminds me of her and how gracious she was about everything anyone gave her.
WHEN I HAD A MISCARRIAGE
I became pregnant when we lived in AZ and I was 40 year old. Merlin and I were happy about my pregnancy but I was sick all the time. I was never that sick with my other pregnancies. One morning I woke up with some bleeding. I called my doctor and he told me to stay in bed, rest and perhaps it would stop. I was only three or four months alone.
Mother called me that morning and I told her what was happening. She said she would be right over. I didn’t think that was necessary, but little did I know. When she got there she put a chair in the bedroom and was reading while I slept. Then I went into the bathroom and bled all over the place. Mother came in, cleaned me up, wrapped up the fetus, called Merlin and took me to the emergency room. She just knew what to do.
WHEN THE ANEURYSM BROKE IN MY HEAD
In 1988 an aneurysm broke in my head. I wasn’t able to eat anything. Mother brought me fresh fruit that I could eat anytime, when I felt like it. She told me later that she had known that there was something wrong with my head for about three months. She said that she was always trying to figure out what it was. I had to laugh really. I appreciate her insight, but it does sound a little funny too, that she knew something was wrong with my head. I’ve often thought that myself.
MOTHER WAS A HELP TO HER FRIEND.
While living in AZ, one of Mother’s friends was having some chest pains and called Mother over. Mother kept her calm and alive until the ambulance got there.
MOTHER ALWAYS HAD COMPASSION FOR THOSE IN TROUBLE
Mother was always helpful and inclusive to people who were perhaps different, or going through a difficult time. One of her friends had some very complicated troubles that put her out of sync with her friends and family. Mother was always her friend and gave her wonderful support. Eventually this friend moved away, got her life together and went on. But she frequently wrote to Mother of her appreciation for what Mother did for her.
We talked, cooked, canned, sewed and laughed together. We didn’t always agree with one another, but we could always talk to each other. She might like purple and I might like blue, but it didn’t keep us from being friends. She taught me that you can be friends even with people you don’t always agree with. This was a great lesson for me. I think that my love for people, especially those who are different from me or don’t think like I do, comes from her teachings.
A Big Day for Family!
Grandma has her children now and Dad is sealed to his mother and father. This is a quote from Suzanne Harrison, Canda and Thom's friend; “Testimonies were increased as to how important these covenants are....for all our families....for every person!!!! Someone in the session mentioned (while the officiator was trying to get the whole "family" arraigned properly and it was taking some extra time and all) something to do with ...at least it wasn't a live session....and the officiator stopped and said...(cheerfully) "but, it is!" We did work...just our little group...for many, many people in our collective families.”
MOTHER AND I WERE FRIENDS
